I Deserve The Questions

Every time I pick up my phone, he asks me “Who is that?” I know he’s not asking out of curiosity. 

“Do you love me?” He asks every few minutes, knowing I do and I am trying to show him every day. It’s just hard. I’m having difficulty loving myself these days. 

“On your phone again huh?” He thinks I’m sending secret messages to someone, anyone. Him not having a working phone gives him excuses to use mine and snoop through my messages to find something incriminating. Whether he means to or not, it’s like a reflex for him now. 

I was taught forgiveness means to put the wrong behind you and move forward. I know it’s hard to forget, trust me. But he swore he forgave me when I spent over a week in bed, only up for work, torturing myself for what I’ve done. I said I didn’t deserve his love or forgiveness, which is true. He told me that was too bad because I had it. So why do I still feel like I’m being condemned? 

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6 thoughts on “I Deserve The Questions”

      1. I agree. It’s like I can’t bring it up without it turning in to an issue, mostly because first thing he does when he gets off work is grab a beer. And depending on the severity of his day, he chugs either fast or super fast.

        Liked by 1 person

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