Late Night Ramblings

Things were good today but I still feel down. I called my grandmother so I could talk to my girls and my youngest started begging me to come pick her up as soon as she heard my voice. “I wanna go home, I love you and I miss you Mommy,” she cried into the speaker and my heart just shattered. I feel so terrible. 

The girls have Christmas programs and parties next week. The school director sent me a text saying she was so glad to see the girls but missed seeing me; She said she knew I was having some trouble and asked if I would be able to find my way up to the school so we could sit and talk and she could see what she could do to help out with Christmas for the girls. We agreed on Wednesday after the Christmas parties. I asked my grandma to give me a ride and she insisted I come spend Tuesday-Friday with the girls at my uncle’s to avoid wear and tear on her car. I have to see what Babe’s schedule is like, because I’m sure he would rather just borrow his dad’s truck (which is repaired now) to take the both of us if he’s off. And I know once I tell him my grandma’s counter offer, we will be arguing again. It will turn into a lecture about how I need to stand up for myself, like it usually does. 

But I don’t need to stand up for myself in this situation. My baby girl was bawling on the phone for me. This past weekend she told me she missed me all week and she didn’t want to go back to grandma’s. I hate this. My kids have been through enough; I don’t want them to have to miss me anymore.

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