Dreadfully Uncomfortable

*Fair warning, this post might be a little NSFW*

The night things ended, he wanted to have sex. “Everyone has break up sex, come on,” and I obliged because I thought it would be the last time. Mind you it was almost 5 in the morning at this point and I was more willing to do anything if it meant I could go to sleep right after. 

Last night he went out with a friend after work. I was relieved because it was a little time away from his truly pitiful attitude. He spent the afternoon asking me to confirm that we really were broken up. When i said yes, he tried to convince me that we could still be together and we just needed space. I told him that I was sticking to what I had said. I was unhappy being with him. That’s just the way it is. I’m not going to pretend that we just need space from each other because it goes much deeper than that and we both know it. 

Anyway, he comes home from the movie and things were fine. He was acting like we could do this just friends thing. I knew that something like that in this situation is impossible and my gut told me that too. After his friend departed, he wasted no time and began to go down on me. Whatever, I let him. We had sex but he wouldn’t get off until I told him that I loved him. It was here that I realized this sex meant the world to him when I really didn’t even care if we did it at all. I knew I had to stop because he is just going to hurt himself more. 

Today, he began to initiate sex and I stopped him. I told him all he’s doing is hurting himself by continuing to do this. “No, I’m not. It’s just sex to me.” I told him it was a bad idea and we shouldn’t do it anymore. He responded by forcing his hand down my shorts. It was obvious I was tense and not reciprocating his enjoyment of what was happening but he pulled my shorts down and kept going. Fake moans came out of my mouth to try and get him to finish faster. I felt so violated.

I agreed to stay here over the winter break so the girls can enjoy Christmas with all of us together. I don’t know what I’m going to do if the next two and a half weeks are going to be like this. I don’t want to be intimate with him anymore.  I am trying to move on to the next chapter.

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