The Mood Changed

Once the girls left, he was back to looking pitiful. He repeated apologies for not showering me with gifts. He apologized for being broke all the time. He began to cry, just telling me he was sorry over and over again. 

He told me he knew this very well could be our last Christmas together and he barely had the money to pull it off. He said he was ashamed. I told him to stop apologizing. I had not a penny to my name, it’s not like I could get him anything. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything from him anyway. 

His sadness seeped into my pores and I am trying to get away from it now. I tried to play my video games, but even focusing on that isn’t helping. I dove into my book but I couldn’t pay attention to the words when he walked past the bedroom every few minutes, sniffling. 

He came and asked me if I felt any different; He asked if anything had changed for me. He was begging me to tell him I would stay here and be with him. He wasn’t facing me as he asked, so I told the back of his head “I made my decision and I am sticking with it.” He nodded with understanding (though his denial is so apparent on his face and through his actions) and went outside to grab a beer from the cooler.

These things that caused the problems are what he runs to at the first hint of upset. This is why my foot is staying down.


2 thoughts on “The Mood Changed”

  1. I am just throwing this out there because, unfortunately, I can relate to him from my younger days, does he suffer from depression? Looking back I can see that I did, and it made me act similar to him. I was always broke. I was needy. I was not trusting of my wife. I was constantly looking for affirmations from my wife wondering if she loved me. I am in no way implying that you should stay with him, you aren’t married and you have kids to think about so your situation is much different. But maybe he, too, is suffering from depression and doesn’t know it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That has honestly crossed my mind a few times before. But bringing that up to him is not an option. He’s a loose cannon when he drinks, and the only time he’s not drinking is first thing in the morning. I haven’t had enough caffeine to have that conversation.


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