I have a job interview today!!

I am SO happy and only a little nervous. 
Will give details later. Wish me luck!!

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Yesterday

really tested my patience. My uncle and I took the drive to the social security office with more than enough necessary documentation (according to their website) to receive replacement social security cards for myself and the girls.

We arrived early, around 10 in the morning. It was already full! I was already annoyed. I hate crowds. They make me uncomfortable. And out of 21 service windows in this office, only 4 were open. So here we are, in this cramped ass government building, waiting for my number to be called. After 90 minutes, my number was finally called. I went up to the window with a file folder containing shot records for both girls, dental records from their appointment the day before, birth certificates for all 3 of us, and not only my renewed license but my expired one as well (just in case, also a little because I was feeling petty about the whole thing). I had this woman the shot records and dental records for the girls, along with my license and say all three of us are in need of replacement cards. She handed the shot records back to me and said that they were unacceptable because they weren’t certified copies from the doctor. She then handed the dental records back because they didn’t have the girls’ birth dates on them.

My uncle, who is always about the paperwork and holding people accountable for things, pulled up the website for the social security office and showed her how it doesn’t say anything about needing certified shot records. “I’m not responsible for what the website says,” she replied. It wasn’t until my uncle started getting more aggravated that she pulled out an orange sheet of paper and circled the address to the health center that is right around the fucking corner to get certified, acceptable shot records for the girls. This bitch was going to let us leave without telling us that we could take care of this without going all the way back to their doctor.

So, we go to the health center and are in and out in less than five minutes with the certified shot records…or, the same fucking pieces of paper I just had but now with a stamp from the state office on them. We turned around and went back to the social security office and got to get a new number and wait another 45 minutes to get called. I handed the worker the certified shot records and asked for replacement cards. He then asked for my ID, which I gave. And then he requested their birth certificates. I almost blurted out “You’re fucking kidding me, right?” but instead I just laughed as I pulled out the “unacceptable form of identification for minors,” and my uncle said something about it when he saw me pull them out. “Oh so now you need the birth certificates even though the last time we were here, you told us you don’t take them for minors?”

“Well, there’s a reason I’m asking for them sir. The last names of the children are not the same as her last name. I need to confirm she is, in fact, their mother.”

I rolled my eyes, like I would go through so much fucking trouble to obtain social security cards for kids that weren’t even mine. Who would do that when you can spend much less time paying for fake identification?

Anyway, we got it done. All cards have been replaced and should be here within the next week or so. And I hope I never set foot in that building again.

Blogger Recognition Award!

I was nominated by hannahgutter for the Blogger Recognition Award and I am very honored, thank you so much!

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The Rules

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 other bloggers you want to give this award to.
  6. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide the link to the post you created.

My Answers

My blog started after an old friend from high school started a blog of her own. We were in the same Creative Writing class in school and we were both very into writing. I was so inspired that she was going to put herself out there for the blogging community to see, so I decided to do the same. After my first post, I stopped for a few months. Once my relationship started falling to pieces to the point that I couldn’t handle being isolated and not able to talk about what I was feeling, I decided that maybe sharing my thoughts on my blog would give me some sort of relief. It really did, you guys are the best!

Two pieces of advice:

  1. Don’t be afraid to say what you want! Your blog is your blog. That’s the bottom line. Don’t feel as if you need to censor yourself so you don’t offend anyone. Those who are offended can promptly leave your blog and never return. (Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.)
  2. Your writing is good enough. And as they always say, practice makes perfect. The more you post, the more experience you get writing. It can only go up from here!

I am nominating raisinghumanz, discoveringsooz, My Made-Up Hard Life, Guz Gets a Buzz, DeScripted, Culbert Sinnsen, and any others that I reserve the right to nominate as I think of them!

I called J

this morning to tell him happy birthday. He didn’t answer, I just left him a voicemail. Then I cried. I don’t even get how I can be so upset by losing someone I never really had to begin with.

I need a job. Bad.

I guess I’ll try to talk to him again in about a month. Hopefully by that time my shit will be together.

I just don’t understand. It’s electric. We both know it. He’s so fucking stubborn. But he’s also grieving. Fuck. Just chill out, girl.

I’ve been trying to distract myself since by filling out probably an unnecessary amount of job applications. But I need a job. I can’t stay in this house every single day just thinking about him and being reminded of him.

Also!!

I forgot to let you guys know that I got my license renewed yesterday! My uncle always wants to make sure, especially when dealing with government offices, that you bring more than enoigh documentation so you give them no reason to send you home. After I got the girls to school we drove off to the DMV with a file folder filled with my birth certificate, 3 pieces of mail with my current address, my expired license, and two different types of applications that I had printed from the home computer and filled out to save time. One was a renewal application and the other was an application for a new State ID (just in case my warrant for failure to register that car became an issue). 

We sat in the office waiting for my number to be called for a little over half an hour, which isn’t too bad considering I’ve had to stand in line for over an hour before at an office in a different part of town. My anxiety was working its way to my head with doubtful thoughts of what could go wrong. What if my warrant is active and they arrest me on the spot? What if they won’t accept the mail I brough as proof of residency? What if my license has been expired too long and make me take a driving test? I can’t take a road test, I will freak out with the instructor breathing down my neck! 

My number got called and I was on the verge of shaking nervously. I handed her my expired license, said I needed a replacement. She asked if I had filled out the renewal application. I handed it to her. She started typing shit in to her computer and every time she took a little pause, I was certain she’d be callimg an officer to pick me up. But no, before I knew it she had me do my signature, got my thumbprints, and took my picture. My paper replacement was handed to me and we were off.

I immediately went home and filled put TONS of job applications. Nothing holding me back now. Well, aside from my social security card, but I should have no problem getting it now!

I can’t wait to start working again. 

Now, if my wifi would stop acting up so I don’t have to post from my phone! 

Shit My Daughters Do

On today’s installment, I’d like to rant just a little bit. All week long my girls will fight going to bed each night. My alarm, usually set for 7:30 (and snoozed til 7:45), still goes off before the girls even get out of bed most weekdays. This is usually because they’ve argued with me and given me every excuse in the book to get out of going to bed that by the time they fall asleep it’s close to 10pm. 

So, today is Saturday. A day commonly acknowledged as the day one gets to sleep in. No school, no alarm. I was so foolish to believe my girls would abide by that. They were up and running around (not to mention “talk-yelling”) AT 6:45 THIS MORNING. 

WHY? JUST….WHY? 

I’m on my 500th cup of coffee, they’re on second breakfast and I’m about to lose my mind with how hyper they are.  

Thanks girls for reversing your sleep habits FOR THE WEEKEND. 

My Internet

was out last night. I was dying to talk to J. In our small time spent together, we saw 2 movies, had several lunch and dinner dates, quite a few showers, and tons of time just being with each other.

The first of the 2 movies we saw was Suicide Squad. Overall, we were disappointed. But we fell in love with every single Joker/Harley Quinn scene. We felt comfortable within their (quite literally) insane and very much intense relationship. And from the moment we left the movie that day, he was my Mistah J and I was his Harley. I’m talking name changes in our phones and everything. (He was Puddin, I was Harley.) We had so much fun channeling our inner crazy. It was beautiful. The second movie was Bad Moms, which I definitely recommend. We were laughing the whole time. I love seeing his smile and I love hearing his laugh even more than that.

Anyway, to avoid blowing his phone up, I took my daily journaling time as an opportunity to write him a letter. I might share it, just because I don’t know if I’ll ever give it to him.

I am doing all I can to give him breathing room. If anything happens in the future, I know it would have meant a lot that I was patient with him.

P is going to probation this afternoon. He asked me if he could pick me up so he could spend some time with me before he left. He’s not sure if he’ll be coming out of the appointment or if he’ll be going to jail. After his first revocation, he was given a bit more strict stipulations. He hasn’t met any of them. 16 hours of community service a month? Nope. Making payments on time? He hasn’t paid a single payment in at least 5 months. Not to mention the drinking, and smoking pot. I don’t even think he’s attempted to call to do some sort of check in with the probation officer.

Anyway, he picks me up after my grandma and I drop off the girls at school. I agree to hang out with him every now and again because 1. all his friends stopped coming around and 2. he has my cat. She’s basically my emotional support animal, and I couldn’t bring her to my uncle’s because his cat is an Alpha Male and, quite honestly, a huge dick. I miss her so much and you can tell how much she misses me by how she acts when I get there. She even “hugs” me goodbye when I leave. She’s so smart and so sweet. But I digress. This fool had the audacity to try and get me to have sex with him. Just straight came out with it because he “doesn’t know when he’ll be able to have sex again if he goes to jail.” I had to shut him down really quick. THERE IS NO ATTRACTION FOR HIM LEFT. I don’t understand why that’s so hard for him to understand. I’m trying to be a friend to him but I don’t know if he can just accept that at face value without trying anymore.

It made my stomach hurt.