Holidays

mean there’s no mail. So I’m yet another day away from proof of residency so I can get my license renewed.

A friend of mine picked me up for a few hours to run some errands. It was nice to get out of the house and away from my thoughts for a bit.

P is honestly just so pathetic these days. Messaging me millions of times a day. Telling me I’m beautiful. Asking me if I need him to drop me off some cigarettes. Acting like it’s the end of the world when I tell him I’m logging off to do something else like sleep or go hang out with a friend. I don’t see how him focusing all his energy on being around me or talking to me is helping him make changes in his life. I’m thinking about deactivating my Facebook and just telling him (and everyone else) that I need some reevaluation time.

Still haven’t said anything to J. I put my music app on “I’m feeling lucky” radio, which basically plays songs based off of your music taste that it thinks you might like, and it was continuously playing Bad Meets Evil which of course is what he has blaring in his car every single time I’ve ever been in it. It’s almost enough to make my cry at this point. I feel like I’m being laughed at my God in a way. How is it possible that I am reminded of him every place I turn? It’s bullshit honestly.

I keep getting little memories of our weekend together. How is something so minimal so strongly etched in my brain? It doesn’t make sense to me. Our chemistry is visible to everyone, they have all mentioned it at one point or another.

Am I pathetic or just impatient?

My grandma came over today and spouts off little insensitive remarks every now and then. She throws my anxiety through the roof sometimes. I can’t stand it.

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