New Girl

has got to be one of my favorite shows. I can watch it over and over again and not get tired. Their group reminds me of people in my life. Jess reminds me of myself sometimes. Just socially awkward enough to be attractive to some and keep friends around. Not afraid to have feelings and express them, no matter what kind of trouble it may get me in to. J has aspects similar to Nick. Mostly angry, hates people and doesn’t trust them worth a damn. Closed up but very clearly having all sorts of emotion running through him at any given moment. He won’t let anyone in but every now and then, Jess pushes her way through. She’s always got his back.

I watched 2 episodes today. The first one was where Nick accidentally bruised Jess’ jaw while they were at a Home Depot type store. The whole time they were at the store, she was trying to stop herself from feeling attracted to Nick who was doing oddly attractive things looking somewhat like a macho man picking up chains and big pipes and shit. After they got back from the store and the hospital, Jess is all loopy on painkillers and admits that she wants to sleep with him. Then, Nick asks her about it the next day and they get in to a small argument before they start aggressively making out/insulting each other, leading to Nick smashing the hell out of a fish tank. The next episode, Nick’s father dies and Jess does all in her power to help him and make the funeral planning go as smoothly as possible…which is tortuous considering Nick’s out of control family.

All I could think of is how similar this is to J and I. And it couldn’t have been coincidence that these are the episodes that came on. I can’t get him out of my head. Do you see what I mean when I feel like God is laughing at me up above. Just sprinkling little reminders of what I have been so close to having.

His birthday is Sunday. I’m going to tell him Happy Birthday. I don’t expect a response.

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