I called J

this morning to tell him happy birthday. He didn’t answer, I just left him a voicemail. Then I cried. I don’t even get how I can be so upset by losing someone I never really had to begin with.

I need a job. Bad.

I guess I’ll try to talk to him again in about a month. Hopefully by that time my shit will be together.

I just don’t understand. It’s electric. We both know it. He’s so fucking stubborn. But he’s also grieving. Fuck. Just chill out, girl.

I’ve been trying to distract myself since by filling out probably an unnecessary amount of job applications. But I need a job. I can’t stay in this house every single day just thinking about him and being reminded of him.

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