The bad starts a few weeks ago. P and I were getting along just fine. Hanging out every now and then, working on being civil for the girls sake. Then came Valentine’s Day. He tried to ask me to spend the evening with him. He said, and I quote, “You know it’ll be fun and comfortable, besides we don’t want to have Alentine’s Ay, without the V or the D…” Does that shit work on people? It made me sick. So I laid it down for him. I told him that my mind and my heart was focused on one person, and even if I can’t have that person, I’d rather be alone than settle for something I have absolutely no interest in. He told me he understood yet didn’t understand. He told me that by me saying that, I had ruined his self worth. I told him I wasn’t going to apologize for how I felt. I have no reason to feel guilty. I can’t help how I feel. Why should he try to make feel like I’m in the wrong? He thought he had dibs on my body because used to be together. That’s not the case.
Flash forward to last week. J texts P. J is a shit talker through and through. So he, as usual, started talking shit (playfully) to P. P got offended. He started texting me telling me he fucking hates J and wants him to die and all this shit. At this point, J’s brother had gotten on the phone and was telling P off. Told P that J was the only one there for him when all his friends abandoned him. He was the only one to take him out to celebrate his birthday. Told him that he took him out to try and get his mind off of me and ended up flipping his car that night. He just ripped P a new one. P, who was drunk and angry, told me “I’m going to tell them to text me from their dad’s phone.” Their deceased father. Who hasn’t even been gone for six months. I told him not to say that. He then continued to say “Fuck him and his whole family. I hope him and his brother die the same way their dad did. They deserve it.” He then took the opportunity to talk shit to me and about my taste in men because he knows how I feel about J. I ignored his messages after he tried to bring me into it. I was at home, haven’t talked to J in about a month, and was minding my own business.
The next morning he blew my inbox up with apologies. “I was drunk and angry and didn’t mean what I said.” Now, my issue wasn’t with him trying to insult me. It was with how fucking insensitive he was. It was with how he thought he had the right to bring someone’s dead parent into a situation. He doesn’t know that pain. It’s not something you can describe to someone. He had no business saying that shit, especially when he doesn’t respect his parents to begin with! J’s dad was his best friend, P uses and abuses his father. He didn’t understand why it made me so mad. He just believed that because he said sorry, that I have to forgive him and just go back to acting like everything was normal. But this was the last straw for me. I already hadn’t really wanted to continue being around him after his continuous efforts to get me to agree to hook up with him. I am sick of his entitled attitude. He uses people then treats them like shit. Doesn’t think before he says things. And just expects everyone to stand by his side through it all. I’m not going to. So I told him exactly how I felt. Then I muted his notifications on my phone. Had I forgiven him, it would have been something new in a few days. I’m tired of the cycle and considering WE AREN’T TOGETHER ANYMORE, I have no reason to deal with it.
He then spent 45 minutes trying to convince me that J single-handedly ruined his life. “He took me out, he bought me drinks knowing I had a problem, and he still did it. He took my love. Took my ability to see the girls every day away. Took my trust away and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.” I was blown away. He has not once in the entire length of our relationship taken responsibility for his own actions. I told him the issue wasn’t with J offering to buy him drinks, it was with his lack of self control. His inability to pace himself. It wasn’t like J held a gun to his head and said “Drink or die.” He made the decision to overdrink and to make an ass out of himself. Every. Damn. Time.
Then came Tuesday. He had apparently invited over his ex-girlfriend, a girl he has spent much time complaining about because “She’s crazy & won’t leave me alone. Every time I talk to her I end up regretting it.” She gave him forty dollars after he spun her some story about how he needs gas to get to work but both him and his father are broke and can’t put gas in the truck. Then I guess later on in the afternoon, she offered him and his friend some ecstasy. So, this 26-year-old “man” who is currently feeling low in pretty much every part of his life, decided it was a good idea to do some hard drugs on a Tuesday evening. Our mutual friend was there and she called me crying. She was livid. She scared that girl off and ended up fighting with P. I sent his father a message, told him that whatever anger I had towards P was set in stone now, and not to ever speak to me again. And, if he’s lucky, he can see the girls in a few weeks. That is, if he isn’t in jail after the drug test he knew he had coming up today.
I had P and his dad blowing up my phone trying to prove to me that P wasn’t rolling. Turns out those “tabs” she gave them were vitamins. I said it doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is he took a pill with the intentions of getting fucked up. Why? Because he was sad? Because he wanted to forget? I guess all the alcohol wasn’t doing the trick. I said he needs to man the fuck up. Finally take responsibility for his life. Stop making things worse on himself. For someone who just spent time trying to convince me that his friend ruined his life, I’m wondering where J was to take place in this situation.
And with all that, I said my piece and blocked him. Then I blocked his dad’s number; Then his mom’s. I’m just done with the bullshit.
I couldn’t even find joy in my accomplishments because I was still letting him drag me down mentally. I’m glad to say not talking to him has been the best decision I’ve made since moving out.