I’m the worst

I’m content most of the time. Things are looking up, why shouldn’t I be? I think I have too much emotion for J. Not that I can help who I am. But for someone so keen on blocking out emotion, I’m probably a lot to handle. 

I have a good job. I have a car. I have a roof over my head. Everything else will fall in to place? So why do I feel so heavy still? I do and don’t understand. 

I’ve been considering really just keeping to myself. I don’t feel like I really have any friends (except for one, and even then I get wushu washy vibes). And I mean, as you get older, less is more right? 

My mind is a mess and it’s pissing me off. Wanting to be here for someone who is used to no one genuinely caring about him is hurting me more than anything. I keep setting myself on fire to try and keep others warm. I can’t stop myself. I just want to give out the love I wish someone would give back to me. Just once. 

Fuck. I guess I need to be alone. 

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