Words I Never Sent You

Remember when you said my texts were the highlight of your day at work? ‘Cause I was either just being a dick or sending you funny stuff. I want to go back to that. All I want is to make your day a little better.

I’ve gathered some knowledge on what type of person you are, and it seems easier for you to just shut everyone out. Fine. I get it. And I’ll let you shut me out for as long as you want but i’m not going to deny that I still feel more connected to you than I probably should. Even when you won’t talk to me.

Remember when you got excited because you finally had someone to go to the movies with? I had a plan to ask you to go to the movies last weekend. I was gonna pay and everything because, let’s get real, you spent hundreds of dollars on me in one weekend. I owe you. But I bitched out and didn’t ask you because I figured you’d ignore me.

I don’t think highly of myself in any way so please know I don’t say this to make myself look great or desirable, but I have been approached nonstop by guys since everyone found out I was single. I have shot them all down and even deactivated my Facebook so I didn’t have to associate with anyone. I don’t want to spend time with random fucking people, I want to spend time with you. I would rather sit in silence while you give me angry looks than spend time with shit people. I’ve never had anyone make me feel the way you got me feeling when you kiss me. And I still don’t know why I feel like that. 

I want you in my life so much it scared me. But I don’t care. If anything were to come of it just know I am fully aware that fucking you over would most likely result in me getting shot. I’d let you though.

Full body armor and all, I’m waiting for you to come back around. Just know that.

We met on 5/5 last year. It was awkward because you came in for a hug and I moved away. I probably did that because I had just spent about ten minutes taking you in and acknowledging that I was deeply interested in you. I knew it was going to be trouble for me then. Look at me now! Hopelessly optimistic that I’ll get to see you again yet aware you’re stubborn enough to make me wait forever if you wanted.

I fucked up, I know this. I would do anything to get a real opportunity to show you thatI’m not as terrible as my actions made me out to be.

I’ll stop now. I just want you to know that even though I’ve tried, I can’t stop myself from wanting you around. I’d like to believe that somewhere WAY, WAY, WAY deep down, you kinda want me around too.

 

Written three days before “the incident” where you believed I was trying to manipulate you with a little help from my friend. Why would I express my willingness to wait just to ask someone to jump in the middle?

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