Truly Pathetic

I had to go as far as to change my phone number to get P to leave me alone, and less than a week later he took it upon himself to LOG IN TO MY XBOX ACCOUNT AND CHANGE MY PASSWORD. So now, I can’t log in. That’s HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS in games that he’s taken from me.

All because he can’t get over the fact that I left him and he pushed me so far off the edge that I never want anything to do with him again.

Fucking petty. I’m livid. All I do is work, take care of my girls, and play games. Now I can’t even play half of the fucking games I own because they were all bought digitally FROM THAT ACCOUNT.

 

 

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2 Drafts

Over the past two days. I’ve been wanting to write and update on my life, but I just haven’t really found the words. Eventually, I just give up and close the window.

I gave K the opportunity a little over a week ago to explain herself. She had been texting me nonstop, begging for a chance to redeem herself because, and I quote, “You (as in me) have been nothing but a good friend to me, please give me the chance to reciprocate that.” So I picked her up and we drove around to talk. As soon as she got in the car, she was thanking me and apologizing to me all at once. She was bawling her eyes out as she confessed how deeply she had been fucking up. She wasn’t lying just to me, she was lying to everyone closest to her, and she was lying to herself. She was hurting her friends and her family and she was hating herself more as she continued to make terrible choices.

Then she asked me to help her. She said she knows she’s better than this and she can see that I know she’s better than this.  I took her to my house for a few days to get away from the shitty people she had been hanging around and so she had time to recuperate before she had to face the music and talk to her father about everything that had been going on. I watched her get clear-headed for the first time in what must have been a month at least. I talked to her and shared in her excitement to finally be moving forward. And I told her, sternly, that I will only help her out as long as I continue to see this mindset from her.

I’m still trying to allow myself to trust her completely, but all things take time. She is the best friend I’ve had in a while and, if we’re being honest, I’ve been fucked over worse by people who got second chances they sure as hell didn’t deserve. I just draw the line from now on, I won’t be forgiving if anything like this happens again.

Work has been insane. Out of nowhere, I started feeling tensions rise between the front desk and the back. One of the therapists we had gave us her two week notice and the last few days she was here, she got into it with my assistant manager. They were in the break room screaming at each other. It was so unprofessional. I guess after that therapist left, she decided she was going to stir up more shit and called the owner of our store to divulge information about the assistant manager. This information she revealed led to my assistant manager getting fired. Which has led to me being the most knowledgeable about the front desk (aside from the store manager), which means I’ve been working nonstop. Good for my wallet, but I haven’t been given a raise or anything though and the longer I stay here, the more I see how chaotic and unpleasant the environment tends to be. Maybe if I get more money, I can look past it.

I officially have one friend. 

It’s J. I don’t talk to him every day ’cause he’s not that type of person but it’s just him and my girls in my life now. 

K fucked me over. I had been spending so much time driving around and hanging out with her and she ended up lying to me and stealing my debit card. I locked it and ordered a new one. I’m done with people. 

I deleted my Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook for good. I don’t want anyone knowing my life or what I’m up to anymore. 

J actually wanted to hang out yesterday but I had to work. I told him about K and he just said he hopes that I learned a lesson about trusting people and that nobody is special. He’s right. I was dumb. I could sense she had been lying to me about stuff but because I want to believe people are good, I looked past it. I should have known better. 

Here’s to a lonely life. Better than continuing to get fucked over.