I somehow managed to fall asleep before one in the morning last night. I took my glasses off at 11:30 and was surprisingly asleep shortly after that. No tossing or turning, just asleep. My silly self believed that maybe because I fell asleep at a decent time, I would wake up at a decent time too. As expected, that wasn’t the case. I was poked awake (if you catch my drift) by Paul around 8:30. After that, I felt the need to go pee and then hide back in bed. My phone was blinking all kinds of colors, meaning I had a plethora of unread notifications, and for some reason I was nervous to look at them. It’s like I could sense the bad news awaiting me before I even looked to see who was trying to contact me. Let me tell you, when I’ve got a hunch it’s almost always right.(To quote a stupid movie: “60 percent of the time, it works every time.”)
To say I have terrible luck with cars would be an understatement. While I can’t take total responsibility for the fate of previous cars I’ve had, they were all in my name and ultimately my decisions made for an unattractive fate for my babies. Most of my choices were made because of my apparent inability to say no to people, especially those I love and claim to love me. If you have been keeping up with my posts, you already know that my little orange car has been more of a pest than anything lately. Pest or not, I made an agreement with an ex-coworker and her husband for this car. Forty dollars every Sunday until the initial $2500 that was asked for the car is paid off. With me not working and Paul only serving, cash has been a little tight. December is a HUGE present month too, aside from Christmas there’s my birthday and Paul’s birthday as well. Anyway, Babe and I have mechanic friends who are more than willing to look at the car and not charge us for service. We have been working with them as their father died the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and they’ve been a little preoccupied. I told my friend about our car issues and that we would try to have something for them by this weekend. I guess her husband wasn’t okay with that. I woke up (finally, around 12:30 when I just couldn’t sleep any more) to an email from her husband telling me to come up with $200 by Sunday or $1600 by the 11th (my fucking birthday). He explained he knew about my unemployment but his time of giving me a chance to pay for the car is over. After explaining the car issue to him and the other issue of it being the only car that my family can get around in seeing as my father-in-law owns a Ford Ranger (which barely passes as a truck to begin with) took a shit on him last night and he had to have it towed back home, he told me he would fix the truck but that it sounds like the car has a blown gasket and we should just return it to him ASAP. He told me if we didn’t he would be charging me for the damage out on the car. So I woke up to the lovely news that I don’t get the opportunity to fix my car, I just have to return to seller and hope I can find another way to get around.
Needless to say, the good I was feeling yesterday is gone. I am aware it is just a posession. It can be replaced. But not one of you can tell me that it isn’t a bitch and a half to get to where you need to be when you have no means of transportation. My daughters are spending the week with my grandmother just so I can make sure they get to school every day. Luckily Bab3 works close enough that a ride to work for him will not be hard to come by. But what am I supposed to do? Find a job making less than minimum wage at one of the gas stations within walking distance of my house? Continue to have my girls stay the weeks 20 minutes away from home because I am unable to provide them with the transport to school? I hate this.
I made the choice to put my wedding dress up for sale. It hurt to post those pictures but I guess $800 worth of ivory material isn’t doing me much good right now. Besides, the wedding we wanted won’t be happening anyway.
I didn’t do anything today but lay around and feel sorry for myself. I’m almost sure Babe was glad to get out of the house and go to work; a few hours without having to look at the permanent frown I have going on.
“It’s only temporary,” I keep telling myself. “You have been through worse and you will get through this.”
*On a side note- I am aware I haven’t started my Open Letter challenge yet, but I HAVE written ay least once a day every day. So my original goal is being met, and I think that’s something to be proud of.*