I had to go back and look at my last post and let me just say WOW! A lot has happened in the past three months, or so it seems. And, honestly, it’s all been for the better.
Let’s start off with friendships and relationships.
I haven’t spoken to J in a little over a month. I finally got the little nugget of wisdom through my thick skull that if he wanted to talk to me, he knows how to get ahold of me. It hurts and he still crosses my mind and I wonder how he’s doing, but I’m not going to hurt myself anymore by trying so hard to be in the life of someone who doesn’t care whether or not I’m around.
A warrant popped up for K from something she did over seven years ago when she was in a very destructive relationship. She decided to turn herself in. That was shortly after I made my last post. She’s been in a small county jail for 70+ days, My hand is cramping up from how many letters I’ve written her. I write several days at a time during the week and send the letter off at the end of the week. I set up a phone account and put money on it every pay period. There hasn’t been much progress in her case and we’re all on edge about it. Not to mention all the people trying to stir up drama spreading rumors about what’s going on with her on the outside. “Friends” who haven’t had anything to do with her are all fishing for information from one another and lies are being spread. It’s disgusting. It adds more stress to her that she doesn’t need. I don’t respond to those who ask me about it, those who need to know already know. I miss her a lot though.
I’ve really been enjoying being single. Of course everyone is showing me attention but I feel good not having to stress over what my boyfriend is doing. After seven years of truly toxic relationships, I’m really enjoying time to myself. Sure, I get kinda lonely from time to time but I also know that if I’m patient and selective, someone is going to come along and treat me the way I deserve to be treated.
I have an AMAZING job. I work full time (and they’re very generous with overtime) and get medical AND dental insurance. The work environment is so positive. I’ve never enjoyed a job like I’ve enjoyed this one. I work 9 hour shifts and they go by quickly. It’s amazing!
That’s just a small, grateful update on my life. My mindset is so much more positive than it has been in so long! I’m just keeping busy and looking forward. Things are getting so much better.
and I’m feeling accomplished in the productivity department despite not being scheduled to work today. (My mind is forever on the money!)
I took a shower, tidied up my room, folded a large pile of the girls’ clothes that I’ve been neglecting, and just threw my laundry in the dryer. I feel like I’m always needing my clothes in the washing machine because I’ve only got one shirt for work. That bitch cost me $30, I’m gonna stick with the one until I absolutely need to get another.
It’s been about two months since I deactivated my Facebook and I have no desire to reactivate. I have a new phone now too so the app isn’t right in my face. I don’t feel like I’m really missing out on anything. Those that need to get ahold of me have my phone number. It has cut down significantly on the bullshit I let in my life.
I don’t feel like I’m isolating myself by just focusing on a better me. I’ve learned less is more as you get older, and I’m starting to see that having no one to talk to most of the time is better than having a hundred “friends” only interested in what you say so they can let others know of your struggles.
I can probably say I have two friends at the moment. One moved 16 hours away; We don’t talk as much as we used to but we’ve been through thick and thin since 4th grade. I know she’s not going anywhere. She’s just enjoying her life as a wife…something she always wanted. My other friend is actually talking about us getting a place later on in the year. While I appreciate what my uncle is doing for the girls and I by letting us stay here, I can’t help but feel like a permanent guest. It makes it hard to call this place home.
Trust in the timing. Everything will fall into place.
As I had mentioned a few posts back, I had gotten called in for a job interview. While the interview went well, they decided to go with someone with better availability. It was okay though because once I got the first call, it was like the interview floodgates were opened and I was getting calls nonstop.
After my uncle gave me a ride to my third interview in the span of a week, he told me to start looking for cars priced no higher than $3000. He gave me a list of websites to go on and said that once I find some I’m interested in to send him the VINs so he could check out the CarFax on them. Within a day, we had already set up a test drive for an SUV. After going on the test drive, he asked me if I was comfortable in the car and if it was the one I wanted or if I wanted to keep looking. I told him I liked it and it was the one with the best history so I’d be fine with driving it. He bought the car straight out that day and I drove it home! I will have to make payments to him and gradually pay him back for it, but I HAVE A WORKING CAR!!
That same day, I got my phone replaced. I had cracked my screen a while back, and my uncle said he was upgrading his phone. I jokingly told him he should let me have his old phone (not even a year old, he just has the iphone forever plan and can upgrade whenever he wants). He actually agreed. I then got called in for another interview. This one went very well. Of course, it was for a part time position but I didn’t care. I needed money and I needed to work before I started going crazy. On my way home from the interview, I got a call back and they asked if I would be able to come in and meet with the owner in a couple hours. I agreed and got ready to head back for my second interview in a day. I got offered a job and I even started training the next day! My training hours were cut in half because I picked up so quickly. I’ve been there for about two weeks now. Part time might turn in to full time and I’m getting reviewed in three months to get a raise!
J and I have started talking again!! Nothing serious or anything, but he’s actually responding to my messages. That’s a start. I’ll take what I can get. I’m going to ask him to accompany me to the movies next weekend. I hope he says yes.
Even before he started responding to me, I’ve been in a much happier mood. I don’t do much in my free time, but at least I’m getting somewhere. I’m even okay with not really having any friends. It just shows I can do life by myself.
Things are looking up and I can only believe that they will continue to do so.