Now What?

I’ve been given an option. As with most times my grandmother and uncle drop my girls off, they wanted to come inside and talk for a while. As they asked about what the fate for my car was and if I was still working at job, the conversation took a turn. My uncle began to tell me, as he does with most things he brings up to me, “Don’t take this as me lecturing you or trying to break up your relationship,” and I knew what he was going to say before he finished his statement. 

As I predicted, he offered for the girls and I to temporarily move in to his house. This way I can be there to be a mother to my children during the week and make sure they get to school while looking for a job closer to the school and my uncle’s as he would be able to give me rides whenever he’s in town. His hospitality usually comes at a price, and I am worried about what my price will be this time. Maybe it’ll just be the empty spot next to me in bed each night. I know Babe can’t come with us. No car means no way for him to get back and forth to work, which is less than five minutes from our house here. 

If I look at it logically, this is the best option right now. There is no money to be made in this small town and with all the businesses popping up around my uncle’s house, I’m sure I’d be hired quickly. Maybe with a little distance from Babe, we can learn to save some money. Impulsive buys are one of our worst problems. We wouldn’t be lightyears away, just about 20 minutes. I need to get back to work, I’m sure he’d understand that. Other factors (that will be saved for their own post when I’m ready to share) are about to cause him to go away for a few months. I’d be stuck in this house with no money either way once that happens. 

If I look at it emotionally, this is a shit situation. I love him. I have spent almost fours years with him. I’m not quite sure I know how to sleep alone anymore. All my late night thoughts and worries are going to double up on me and I know it. It doesn’t help that I know an argument will occur when I bring all of this up. Even though I am able to look at it from several angles, he will only take one thing from this: We are going to be away from him. I’d like to take this as an opportunity to make a better life for us. We are stuck in an endless cycle right now it seems and I want to break it. I know better than to hope for him to accept this with an open mind. 

So do I make the choice based on logic or emotion? Do I try to take some steps to move forward in life or do I stay stuck and not upset my love? 

But then again, wouldn’t someone who really loves me understand that sacrifices sometimes have to be made?  Either way, I’m past being nervous. I’m full blown anxious to have this conversation with him. I guess I could tell him what I keep telling myself: It’s only temporary.